Understanding the Essence of Courage –
The planet is the most enormous storehouse of stories of courage. All beings with life
undertake acts of bravery for survival, hope, happiness, and protection. Before moving
further, let’s dive into the phenomenon of courage.
Why Do We Act Courageously? –
When do we feel the need to act courageously, and why? Because those around us create and function in ways that exploit our vulnerability. The urge to stand still, face fear, and fight back is an act of courage. It could be with any form of life and in any situation. Since we all dwell with the highest form of life, that is, humans, all other forms of life, knowingly or unknowingly, get ignored.
The Judgments and the Human Condition –
Courage and courageous mindsets stand apart from the crowds. Either because they don’t
have a choice or they are the choice. And this perception is somewhat similar to Urmila, my
house help. We are all smitten by the judgments that surround us. So, we hardly delve deep
into any person’s challenges, the reasons behind them, and the path of courage they
eventually carved.
Introducing Urmila who’s Life Burdened Early –
Urmila, 30, lives on rent in New Delhi and is a mother to 5 kids, 3 from the previous
marriage of her husband, who doesn’t support her survival. He is a housemaker. That was his condition for marrying Urmila, whose father was apprehensive about marrying her off, as her three younger sisters were in line after her.
So, to bear 4 children and raise them to get married at the earliest is an act of courage or a weak mindset of Urmila’s parents?
We need to redefine the social conditioning of parents who make babies until they get a male child in the name of courage.
A Marriage That Changed Everything –
Urmila shifted to New Delhi after marriage, only to discover that she had to raise three kids.
To her fright, she wasn’t expecting this from her father. She often shared her mindset
about what her father did in the name of decision-making as an act of courage. Father, whom she trusted all her childhood for security and assurance for her life. This was her first hit in the name of courage.
Becoming the “Default” Breadwinner –
The husband never went out to earn money and will never in the future. He clearly stated to her on the first day after reaching New Delhi that she is, by default, crowned as the
breadwinner for the family of 14, including her husband’s brothers and sisters. This situation boosted her cortisol and shaped the masculinity of Urmila. Instead of changing the problem,she chose to carry the burden of feeding those family members whose names she had been unaware of for a long time and who denied that Urmila was their mother moving forward.
So her desires, emotions, and feelings of consuming a marriage got buried under the cortisol.
Is that an act of courage?
Rewiring for Survival –
She rewired herself to work as a housekeeper in as many homes as possible to generate
enough money for survival. All she has is her lean body and her skills to work more
effectively, so that she can increase her income elsewhere.
Every day, the moment her lids open to the golden ray, she is up and charged. Numbers run through her mind like some algorithms that decode how much money she needs today to survive and meet all expenses.
Without a self-thought running through her mind, she gets ready and is out by 6:30 am.
Courage Seen in Punctuality and Discipline –
Her homemaker husband sends all the children to school, takes care of household chores, and handles other routine tasks. All her work-related timings are per schedule. She is never late or early. It’s been three years since Urmila has been working as our housekeeper. And when our bell rings on her scheduled time, we come to know the time. Rock strong punctuality is courage.
Without seeing the clock, we are assured that it is 2 pm and Urmila is at the door.
This act of courage may have been instilled in her during her upbringing.
And when it was time to act, she became a warrior.
Lost Dreams and Hidden Questions –
I wonder whether she wanted to have her own children. Urmila carried her life with
resilience. She faced her husband’s atrocities and abuses headstrong because she knew that a father who compromised his daughter’s happy and respectful marriage to an abusive man double her age would never welcome her if she wished to leave her husband’s home forever.
Maybe the courage in her moulded her to take life as it comes. And this mindset is an act of
courage. Or perhaps it isn’t?
Advice She Could Never Accept –
I suggested many options for a peaceful and respectful life to Urmila. She would half-smile at me and speed off to her next destination to reach before time. She chose not to waste time.
But I think if she invested time in herself, maybe her mental health and emotional well-being would be better.
When Courage Looks Like Endurance –
Yesterday, when she came to our place, I saw bruises on her arm. Upon asking her, I learned that these were the perks and benefits her husband provided. For once, I was about to call the women’s helpline, my act of courage, but she stopped me. Urmila said, “Didi, let it be.
Nobody is going to give me shelter,” I urged her to work out options, and something will
surely be in her support. But she refused. I even advised her that she was setting a bad
example for her so-called sons and daughters. “They were never mine, and won’t be in the
future. SO it hardly matters to me.”, said Urmila.
Phew! That day, I learnt, this was her version of courage.
May Waheguru Ji bless you with mental peace, happiness, and a respected life, Urmila.
Takeways –
Urmila’s life shows that at times bravery is not loud but it is in silence and in living a day at a time. She is much more inspired by fighting her dreams than run away from them. As she struggles she reveals in its painful and layered ways the face of strength. May she oneday, get the serenity, Pride and freedom that her brave Heart next.
Written by – Sonika Kaur. Edited by Siddhant Jain SJ and team .
Born and raised in Kuwait, she was brought up with warm and strict values by her parents. Her educational journey includes a Master’s Degree in English Literature, and she is now pursuing her passion for Global Literature with a PhD.
Attending school in Kuwait allowed her to grow up alongside children and families from diverse backgrounds, shaping her strong, magnetic personality. She excels in social and community engagements, reflecting her deep commitment to exploring and studying various subjects.
With over 14 years of experience in the global market, she has designed content strategies for both B2B and B2C brands. Currently, she serves as the Head of Content Development and also functions as a Floor In-charge within her organization. Her role involves leading a talented team of writers and proofreaders, who are the cornerstone of her department’s success. She joined Medium recently and enjoys being part of its vibrant community.
As a 44-year-old single parent, she approaches life with resilience and enthusiasm. Her teenage son continually surprises her with his remarkable personality and evolving mindset, offering valuable lessons and inspiration.
She firmly believes that “Challenges are full of life” rather than “Life is full of challenges,” a perspective that guides both her personal and professional life.
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